Road Trip Movies Are Funny!

I’m currently sitting in a campervan on the side of the Brand Highway, WA, 30k out of a town called Dongara. Where? Don’t bother asking….. all you need to know is they have 32 degree heat and an abundance of flies.

I am grinning, because we’re having one of those incredibly shoddy road trip moments, and I feel I have the right to be amused, since (thankfully) I’m not to blame.

So far, the ‘National Lampoon's Vacation’ jokes (prompted by kids’ squabbles and various minor malfunctions) have been giggle-worthy, but our current situation might just bump us into the ‘all time road trip idiot’ category.

Let me set the scene:

55km ago, a Maui van drives through the one horse town of Leeman.

Husband looks at the less than impressive petrol station (which also doubles as the general store, DVD store, bait shop, newsagents – you get the picture) and says: ‘I think I’ll wait ‘til the next town to fuel up.’

Wife: ‘Really? Should we just get a little?’

Husband: ‘Nah, we’ll be fine.’

Factoring in reader intelligence, I don’t need to tell the rest of the story. I do, however, feel the need to say that I did not say ‘I told you so’.

[I did, however, hum the ‘Holiday Road…..’ tune as the Maui limped and coughed off the highway – where I now sit (on an angle) typing….)

They make me LOL....

My youngest boy was presented with a picture of a jar of jam today and asked to identify it.

It featured a strawberry on the label, so he stated:

‘Strawberry.’ (Good guess, son!)

‘No, it has strawberries in it, though.’

‘Umm……’

‘You spread it on bread….’

‘Goat’s cheese!!!’

[Do you think my kids will need counseling for all the times I’ve laughed out loud at them inappropriately?]

Perhaps removing table sugar from our family’s diet has not been in the fullest interest of our children’s social competence.

Why do I share these things?

I check my blog traffic stats every so often (yes, my life is a fascinating specimen), and noticed - occasionally - that someone was reading my blog at the exact time that I was checking to see if anyone was reading it!

What a coincidence! (Cue: Twilght Zone music)

Just now, I was having a little look, and was amazed to see that even though not a single person had read it today, that right ‘now’ (as it is labeled on the high-tech graph), someone was online looking……

It was then that I realised.

[Seriously, what an idiot….]

When enough is enough.

Writers sit alone at their computer desks, pouring their little hearts out – sometimes tearing their hair out – earnestly seeking the approval of their readers. Heck, the honest truth is that most of us are happy just to have readers.

I, for example, upload a blog and then check it 25 times in the first sixty seconds to see if anyone has commented.

Sad, yes, but true none-the-less.

I really do live to please you!

I beam at the slightest praise and gnaw at my nails when there is silence (insert sound of crickets chirping here…). I live in fear that someone will tell me I’m no good. Thankfully the response boxes at the bottom don’t have a ‘sucks’ or ‘crap’ option.

As an adult, it’s an interesting position to find yourself in. I don’t see other professionals seeking, quite so fervently, the approval of the masses.

Doctor : Did you like how I lanced your wart? Did you see how I angled that scalpel just right? On a scale of one to ten…

Patient: (Surgery door slamming)

No doubt, it’s human nature to seek the approval of others, which would explain why those MC Hammer pants took off in the 90s..... There appears to be an underlying fear that what we are is inadequate; surely if others say we’re okay then we must be fine? Right?

Imagine what it’s like knowing that who you are is not only enough, but abundantly enough….

[PS Just incase any of you are feeling sorry for me, I actually know I'm pretty awesome! Such an enigma, aren't I?]

Push it; push it good!

I haven’t quite worked out the psychology surrounding people and the ‘walk’ button at traffic lights.

I’d like to think of myself as a bit of a ‘footpath expert’, having travelled many streets as I run around and around my local suburbs on a daily basis (and that disturbing behaviour will need to be dealt with at a later point!). So I think I know what I’m talking about when I say that intelligent pedestrians revert to toddlers when they see the walk button.

They push it.

Fair enough, that’s the plan, I’m pretty sure.

But then they push it again. Repeatedly.

They all know it doesn’t make the lights change any faster, but they press it numerous times – sometimes desisting and then returning again for another few pushes!

I always have a smile to myself when the second person inevitably arrives - having seen the first person engage in the act of button pressing - and they lean in, across them, to press it again. Do they think the first person may have made a mistake? How many people walking the streets are incapable of executing an accurate button press?

I am also guilty of the behaviour. I hang my head in shame. But, if I can redeem myself, I am smart enough to be sneaky! After all, I don’t want other pedestrians to know that I am also a ‘multi-presser’. So, I like to hold my hand casually on the button and do a whole heap of secret presses… clever….

The most disturbing part is, whilst I’m doing it, I know it’s futile. It doesn’t work. Never before in the history of traffic lights has it actually brought the light change even a nano-second earlier.

So what’s going on here? What’s with all the button pressing? I’d like to sum up with a pithy sentence highlighting a truth about the impatience of humanity, but I actually think we’re all just a little bit deranged…..