You know you’ve got kids when:

1. You have a technique for extricating playdough from a nostril.
2. You can catch vomit in one hand.
3. You have to vacuum your chairs.
4. You call McDonalds a ‘restaurant’.
5. You are prepared to exit the shower and bolt outside in a towel because you thought you heard screaming.
6. You have discovered broccoli in your pot plants.
7. You can recite any Disney movie, from any place in the script, with no preparation.
8. You are willing to pay in excess of $50 for a babysitter for a few hours out of the house alone.
9. You say ‘no’ more often than any other word in the English language.
10. You know how to sneak chocolates from the pantry without anyone seeing.
11. You can wipe someone’s bottom without throwing up.
12. You blend vegetables before you add them to a meal.
13. You cover up semi-serious flesh wounds with a bandaid.
14. You haven’t been to the toilet alone for at least 6 years.
15. You have no idea what you have in your shopping trolley when you get to the checkout.
16. You see mealtimes as a sport, which may possibly lead to injuries.
17. You have said, ‘Don’t make me come back there’ whilst driving and wildly swinging your hand into the back of the car, attempting to assert justice.
18. You have found a container full of dead lizards in your Tupperware drawer.
19. You have had to answer the question ‘why do you have to sit down to wee?’ in public.
20. You have contemplated duct taping a child to a chair.